Father’s Day is cancelled…said my three-year-old son

Last year, my son made me a drinks matAPPARENTLY, A few days ago, the Duchess collected our son from nursery and suggested that when they got home they could make me a card and a gift to celebrate Father’s Day.

Boy Wonder flatly refused, telling her: ‘It’s not my job to do something for Daddy’s Day. It’s your job. My job is to run around and have fun.’

A few minutes later, the Duchess was still reeling from his bold response, when he looked up at her with his Serious Face to tell her: ‘I don’t think we should have a Daddy’s Day. I think we should have a Children’s Day. Can you do something about it?’

This time, the Duchess wasn’t so flummoxed and coolly replied: ‘In our house, sunshine, it’s Children’s Day every day. Don’t hold your breath.’

Last year, they painstakingly made me a marvellous tiled rocket ship drinks mat – which remains One Of My Favourite Things. It rests on my bedside table and I develop a cold sweat if it’s ever been knocked on to the floor and I can’t momentarily find it.

This year, Boy Wonder stuck to his guns and proferred no lunar-based drinks mat to complete the set, nor any other homemade gift. I was typically hypocritical about it this morning. The Duchess is bored silly with my seasonal moaning about ‘manufactured, money-grabbing’ celebration days but I did look crestfallen.

Good on him, though. I know it’s important not to exaggerate one conversational exchange, especially as he’s increasingly influenced by often older peers at nursery, but I like his spirit and growing sense of independence. It took me 30 years to develop similar confidence in my own mind – he’s well on his way in a tenth of the time.

Today, I received some lovely treats. We all had breakfast in bed, courtesy of the Duchess, and I nearly managed to deal with the crumbs in the bedclothes before having no choice but to locate and remove each one. I took Boy Wonder to his weekly swimming class, where he earned a high-five from the tutor after speedily completing a length. We then had sweaty fun and frolics at a play centre in aid of a proper celebration: his friend’s birthday. We returned to enjoy a family roast – and everybody finished their plates.

As the day draws to a close, the house is very quiet. The Duchess is at work, poor thing, and the kids are fast asleep. So, I’m going to toast my good fortune in being part of this lovely little family with a cold beer. And I’ve got the perfect drinks mat for it…

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