It’s my 40th birthday next month and the Duchess has been plotting. I get in the car today and Boy Wonder tells me…

‘Daddy, we got you a Batman birthday card!’

‘That’s nice, thank you,’ I say, looking at a half-frowning, half-smiling Duchess.

She looks at Boy Wonder in the rear-view mirror. ‘That’s the last time I involve you in a surprise for anyone, mister,’ she pretends to scold him.

I mimic pulling the words out of my ears and invite Boy Wonder to give them one big heave. ‘I wonder what card you’ve got me for my birthday,’ I say extravagantly, using all of my meagre acting skills. ‘Can’t wait to find out!’

Boy Wonder beckons me towards him and I lean back as far as I can. He reduces his voice to a whisper. ‘It’s alright, Daddy, I’ll tell you now. It’s a Batman card.’


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