Packing for the maternity ward

The Duchess is very organised. If she ever investigates her family tree, I reckon she’ll discover that her grandfather was secretly director of NASA during the late 1960s. She packed a bag for hospital a good month ago. I know we ended up staying in an extra five days after the Boy Wonder was born but I once made my way round SE Asia for six months with luggage half the size.

Here’s a flavour of its contents:

  • Large towel
  • Bumper bag of mint imperials
  • Water spray
  • Disposable knickers
  • Cheap night shirt for birth
  • Posh night shirt for visits
  • Dressing gown
  • Toiletries
  • Tea tree oil
  • Lavender oil
  • Olbas oil
  • Lip gloss
  • iPod
  • Slippers
  • Flip flops
  • Bumper bag of Rhubarb n’ Custards
  • Box of Tracker bars
  • Change of clothes
  • Nappies for the Second Coming
  • Posh outfit for the Second Coming
  • Sleepsuit for the Second Coming

The thing is, I expect I’ll still need to return home at least once to collect a forgotten item. Meanwhile, my rucksack is sitting next to the Hernia-in-a-bag but is predictably empty. The night I awake to realise the wet bed is not my fault this time, I’ll hurriedly gather the following:

  • Bag of peanuts
  • Toothbrush
  • Book
  • Headphones for iPhone (only to be used when the iPod is out, of course)
  • Pillow
  • Camera

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